“You’ll worry a lot less about what others think of you when you realise how seldom they do”
-David Foster Wallace
Something I have realised about humans is we are all trapped inside our own heads.
I don’t mean that as in we are all completely mental (although I’m certain the best people are).
I mean that as in our beliefs and understandings about ourselves and the world are limited by our own perspective.
Your beliefs create your reality. What we think, we become.
Your thoughts, or self-talk, can easily be influenced by what influential people in your life say about themselves and can be reflected on to you.
For example, my “best friend” at school would say on a daily basis how fat and disgusting she thought she was and moments later she would squish my hands and compare her thighs to mine.
I saw I was bigger and came to the conclusion “if she thinks she’s disgusting, she must think I’m really, really fat”.
My aunty would say my arms were as big as her thigh and the chubbiness of my cheeks was a common topic of ridicule. An elephant never forgets.
Why we give other people power over how we feel is still a mystery to me, but nevertheless I began to throw my lunches away and not eat at school or in public places.
With time and with constant self-talk of “you’re not good enough, not thin enough, not pretty enough, you’re lazy, you’re annoying” this insecurity lead on to my appearance and I started wearing makeup at an earlier-than-most age and would never leave the house without any makeup on. Because to me, if I looked “perfect” people would think I was perfect and had a perfect life and therefore have nothing to criticize me about (to my face anyway LOL).
The thought of anyone seeing me with no makeup on was genuine panic attack fuel. This is still somewhat true 12 years on.
However it is amazing what surrounding yourself with genuine, positive, loving people who aren’t constantly competing with you and bitching about others (because if they do it around you, they’re doing it to you) can do for your self-esteem.
So if you have been like me, had this secret that you carry around for years (the secret being what I actually look like lol) and you feel as though you couldn’t possibly tell/show anybody, you get to a point where you realise, you have to.
And when you finally do, when you finally summon up the courage to show people, to get this huge thing off your chest, you realise…
People don’t care.
No one cares! Not really. Not even your closest mates (in the nicest way).
They don’t really care. Because they are also trapped in their own minds, they are the centre of their own worlds and the big stuff you’re telling them is just information about you.
Like the stuff I told you before, really big deal for me; for you, just some information about me.
So you may not even care about this blog or find it interesting (soz bout it) but I’m hoping that there might be someone out there, like me, who will find this comforting and a confidence boost to allow them to be themselves.
Makeup is fun and absolutely a great way to give yourself a confidence boost, but if you let it become so much more than that, that you need it, it really becomes a problem.
If you look at your face with no makeup and truly cry, believing you’re hideous, if when people compliment you, you say to yourself “you wouldn’t say that if you saw me in the morning”, if you can’t leave the house or answer the door without putting makeup on..
I urge you to realise how beautiful you really are.
You’re fine. I promise.
And isn’t it comforting to know that no one actually cares wtf you look like?
Keep being you,