I’ve heard this question being asked many times and after a conversation with my partner in the car yesterday it shone some light on how I would answer this…
With the help of
my good friend Lauren Conrad xx
- People try to bring you down because of their own fear and insecurities.
You are just a mirror showing people what they’re doing or NOT doing and people may be threatened by that.
If you are having a great time and using skills you are developing to be creative and you want to pursue that, you may show people that they aren’t making the best of their time.
So they may make jokes at your expense to cut you down.
This is the classic Tall Poppy Syndrome.
As hard as it is to hear, some of your friends may not want you to do well. They may want you to be happy, but not happier than them. They may cheer you on and hope you succeed, but not more successful than them.
So if your friends take the piss out of you, just laugh with them. Because in the future, your skills will be being put to good use while they will be sitting on the same couch they have been for the past decade.
This is sad but I can guarantee you, you won’t regret getting good at something and making something of it.
Value the friends who genuinely love seeing you ascend and tell you, you inspire them. They’re the lights in your life.
- You’re allowed.
To be happy, to love yourself, to dance in front of the mirror, to sing terribly, to like the way you look, to be proud of your achievements. You is fine.
- Empathy is important.
Not just for understanding your friends and helping them through any tough times they may be experiencing, but also for understanding why someone may be treating you unfairly.
Taking the time to ask yourself what kind of day they may have had (or even what you know about their life) will help you to not take things so personally.
If you genuinely believe you haven’t done anything wrong and someone is bringing you down, they may just feel threatened or jealous as they are comparing their deepest self to your projection of who you are.
They don’t truly know you so they cannot truly judge you.
If something someone says to you pushes a button and “hits home” then don’t feel the need to attack them in defence but instead think about why that matters to you so much.
Is it something that you don’t like about yourself? Something that you do outwardly as an action that you feel contradicts your core beliefs?
Then take that as an opportunity to change and to grow as a person.
It may seem cheesy but the only person you should be better than is the person you were yesterday.
- Stop shopping at Supré.
- Be mindful about what makes you happy.
When you feel excited about something and motivated by something, take note! Because these things make up who you are. You are most beautiful when you speak about what you’re passionate about.
If you don’t, you will lose that and completely forget what made you happy.
The question “what do you like to do?” will draw a daunting blank space in your mind. You will have no idea.
Knowing what makes you feel good is so important for self care and also for what you may want to pursue as a career option.
Follow and listen to your heart and you’ll never be lost.
- You’re allowed to say no to things you don’t want to do, it’s fine.
Self care is the most unselfish thing you can do.
If you take the time to make sure you have a calm mind and healthy view of the world, everyone you come across will feel that from you.
You will greet people with a smile and you will shine your light on them and that can help people who may be in a dark shadow at that time.
If you can leave people feeling better than when they met you, then you’ve cracked it.
Every time you leave the house you cast a stone into the world and you cannot measure the distance or power of this ripple effect.
So best to put your best self forward.
- You’re not that funny.
You don’t have to say everything that comes in to your mind. Shutting up once in a while will do you good.
- Take no shit.
In saying all that, don’t be a doormat.
Don’t make excuses for friends to the point where they can just treat you like their emotional rubbish bin and after every interaction you feel used and exhausted.
If they are too far up their own ass and only want you to be a “yes-man” and tell them they are always right then this is a red flag.
These are the types of people who just dump their issues on you.
If when you try to show them to another point of view, so they can gain understanding that may help solve their problem, they attack you and hurt you deeply, tell them. Because you don’t need to conform. You are merely disagreeing and standing up for what you believe in.
In this instance there’s no need to attack them, just communicate.
Just say it.
This is brave to do and even though they’re your friends (and they should know you aren’t trying to hurt them) they still won’t like it.
But it’s better than bottling shit up and people having no idea they’re hurting you until you erupt and just cut them off.
Give them a chance to change like you would want them to do for you.
However, if you find every time you try to tell them how you feel, they attack in defence, you’re better off distancing yourself.
You don’t need that shit.
- You’re not fat.
But you will find out what that really is so stop making shit up and learn to like running.
- You actually do become like the people you hang out with.
And that should concern you.
Be selective about the types of people you let in to your inner circle.
Because once they’re in there, they can hurt you deeply.
Be careful what you tell people.
Not many people actually care about your best interests or helping you work through your current issue so that you feel better.
They just want a story to tell.
- If anyone makes you feel like you’re not good enough or you’re an embarrassment to them, leave.
You don’t need to perform for them. Ever.
Thanks for reading! Until next weeks blog..
Keep being you
Megan is the CEO of Maverick Cosmetica.
Maverick is a New Zealand online makeup store out of Megan’s home on the beautiful Kāpiti Coast.
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